It was meant to be a secret
by chloet132
Summary: They were together, and they weren't meant to be. It scared her. It was a one shot, but I changed my mind - don't like the pairing, don't read! Could a few events, which were standard in their lives, change everything? Could they both give in?
1. Chapter 1

She knew at some point that people would find out. On a ship that small, it was inevitable really. They had been on only a few dates, but others in the crew had begun to notice the difference in them both. Both were happier, her especially.

He, he wasn't even her type. Back in the alpha quadrant, she probably wouldn't even look twice at him. Not to say he wasn't attractive, but more that he wasn't the normal kind of man she attracted. Just like everybody else they both had people waiting for them back home, but family, not anyone special. She'd had someone, her fiancé. Since communication with Starfleet began though, she'd found out that he had met someone else. She supposed that was what started their relationship here in the delta quadrant. All her hopes of going home to her man being shattered, but realising, she wasn't all that bothered after all.

The two of them had met up for dinner several times, which wasn't unusual. The rest of the crew knew that it happened. What the rest of the crew didn't expect to happen was their date on the holodeck. Fair Haven had finally been finished and was running in holodeck one, keeping most peoples attention, so for their first official date they headed to holodeck two for cocktails. He had found the program in the ships computer, apparently it was a lovely little bar in Tahiti. The evening would have been perfect if not for the malfunction in the holodeck systems. The amount of people using holodeck one and the length of time the program had been running for crashed the system. Both holodecks were in lock down, no one could get out and the programs wouldn't shut down.

After several hours, and the date becoming less than romantic, the doors to the holodeck opened and a team of engineers found them, mid passionate kiss.

The news of their relationship had spread like wild fire, and she couldn't believe it. _There is no privacy in this place_ she thought. _I just want to be able to relax a little._ They had always been close during their time in the delta quadrant, but apparently them getting together wasn't as big a surprise as they thought it would be. So much so, that a pool had been started on who would get with whom and they were on that list. And anyone who had put money on them was going to be getting a big payout.

She sat in her quarters, panicking. They had a music recital to attend tonight, and all eyes would be on them. She hated attention, but what she hated more was the idea that someone could, in the next datastream, send a letter home to Earth. They could tell Starfleet about the couple. How could she explain away this? It wasn't an ideal situation, she knew that. The situation had the potential to get worse, for example, a pregnancy, but who else could she really forge a relationship with and it not be completely and utterly awkward. She had to face the fact that she would have to explain to the rest of the crew, and Starfleet, that she was dating another member of the crew. It was just unfortunate that she was the captain and he the first officer.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I did say the last bit would be a one shot, but I changed my mind. It's only short, again. And if you don't like the pairing ... well tough, I do. xo**

Everybody knows now. Well, everyone in the Delta quadrant. They seem happy about the idea, but it seems somewhat awkward. Apparently, there was a sweepstake, on who he would date next, and if I would ever have a date (Delta Quadrant aliens don't count according to Mr Paris).

I'm not sure where we go next, I never imagined falling in love this far from home. Love. Is that what it is? I don't know what to say or how to even approach the subject of the future.

The news had spread like wildfire, just as I had thought it would. By this morning's briefing, the entire senior staff knew. B'Elanna was more annoyed that he hadn't told her, which surprised me somewhat. I think I had just always presumed he had told her, that she had been his confidante. He wasn't surprised in the slightest by me, I hadn't told anyone. Who could I tell?

Today made me realise how like a family this crew really is. We made a decision and they are supporting it, for us. At some point though there will have to be boundaries. It's not like we could be a real couple, move in together, get married, have kids. Imagine the uproar at Starfleet HQ then.

Things here in the Delta Quadrant are relatively quiet, maybe a little too quiet, but we should enjoy the peace while it lasts. While it is quiet we don't have to worry about having dinner and discussing damage reports or injuries received during the latest Borg attack. It can be just about us. Not that I have a clue about what to say to him, now it's no longer a secret.

* * *

So we have made a decision. Neither of us want this to be a casual romance, so as from tomorrow, we'll both be living here, in my quarters. We'll use his quarters as an escape when it all gets a bit too much, because god knows it will.

I was right about one thing, B'Elanna was pissed. Apparently she made no attempt to hide it, not just from him, but from the entire engineering staff. And if reports from the incident are believed to be true, Lieutenant Carey told Neelix, B'Elanna threatened Chakotay. If he ever hurt me, she'd hurt him. Now there is an ally I never expected.

Tomorrow will be our first 'outing' as a couple, Mr Paris is holding a pool tournament in Sandrine's, just the social outing the crew needs right now, who knows when the next chance might be.

**A/N: I may carry on, I may not.**


	3. Chapter 3

Six weeks. That was how long the crew had known. Six weeks. The only good thing was that the awkward looks that the crew had been giving them had stopped. For now. Walking down the corridor whilst on shift got knowing looks off the crew, never mind when they were off shift. But, that last mission. That mission was hard. She had be held captive for three days, and tortured. By all accounts, he had gone to pieces whilst looking for her.

It had been the doctor who had informed her of his behaviour, his pain while she had been gone. When the doctor had told her, she knew. Something had to change, or it had to end.

She waited, she bided her time. They were not the most open couple. As time had passed, they talked about their relationship less and less. Her mind was whirring with things she had to say, and just looking at him sat on the bridge made things hard. Then she decided. They would have dinner that night, alone. They would talk. Things had to change, for the sake of the crew. God forbid anything should ever happen to her, he would fall to pieces, but he had to be ready to take her place and get the crew home. Tonight, she would sit him down and be frank with him. She had to put her duty to the crew first, and if she kept telling herself that, she would eventually believe it.

After she announced they should have dinner, a proper dinner. One that didn't just end with them in bed, he knew something was wrong. She enjoyed how their dinners normally ended. He decided to spend a little time on his boxing programme on the holodeck, which turned out to be a big mistake. Not concentrating on the match, he got a nasty punch to his eye. He knew he couldn't go to dinner like this, so he decided to head to sickbay on his way to dinner.

The doctor looked somewhat nervous at the sight of him sat there on that biobed. In fact, thinking back, he had been acting strange around him since... since the incident in which she had been kidnapped and tortured. That had been the hardest three days of all, during his time on board. He had no clue if she was alive, if they were going to find her, what state she would be in, or even if she was alive.

He had had enough of this. The doctor needed to say something. This awkward attitude was becoming more and more irritating.

Ten minutes later, he was storming down the corridor towards her quarters. He was going to have it out with her. He cared about her. How did she expect him to react when she was in danger? Was this even what she wanted anymore? He understood that the crew and getting them home would always be her priority, and more important than him. But surely he could have part of her too.


	4. Chapter 4

The following few hours were a bit of a blur. One minute she was waiting nervously by her door for a confrontation with a man she was madly in love with. The next, she was being hurled across her quarters as Voyager rocked aggressively. Without a second though, she picked herself up and headed to the bridge knowing he would meet her there. But he didn't.

Two borg vessels and an very close fight later, she ordered the crew to stand down red alert. By now they were all aware that something wasn't right. He wasn't there. She looked at the faces of the senior staff who occupied the bridge, who nodded their understanding of what she wanted doing. The plucky ensign was way ahead. As the fight had come to a close, he had known what would be asked next, and he had began to scan the ship for the missing crewman. He knew that the brave face on the woman in front of him could only take so much, with that in mind he was praying for a happy ending.

When the ensign announced that he had found the missing man on the internal sensors, she left without a second thought. She knew that her second in command was more than capable of getting the repair crews organised and on task. Stepping out of the turbo lift she could feel her heart pounding. Her mind was awash with all the things she had been going to say earlier this evening, and right now she was proving her own point, but for some reason it no longer seemed relevant. If something had happened to him she would never been able to forgive herself. She had been angry with him. The last thing she said to him wasn't what she truely felt. She had to make things right. She turned the corner and ran into the most heavily damaged part of the ship. Her ship. Bulk heads led across the corridor floor, electrical conduits had exploded and their parts covered the deck. That's when she saw it. A leg. It wasn't moving. Calling out his name to see if the body responded she edged closer. Navigating her way through the maze of debris, she made a mental note to work out more. This obstacle course was painful.

She had worked her way through the debris, but could still only see a leg. It was definitely a mans leg. The rest of the body was covered with metal from the bulkhead and power conduits.

He couldn't think straight. That's when he decided to take the long way round to her quarters. She wouldn't mind him being slightly late, would she?

Voyager shook, and it took him off his feet. He felt the intense pain as he hit the wall, as if he wasn't sore enough after his boxing match. Taking a few seconds to regain his composure, using the wall, he pulled himself to his feet. Sickbay would have to wait, he would be needed on the bridge, and no doubt the doctor would have his hands full soon enough.

He stumbled slowly towards the turbolifts when the ship shook again. More violently this time. This time the power conduits in the section began to erupt with sparks and shards of metal and glass. That's when he heard the scream. He tried to scramble forwards but his leg was trapped. His hand moved to his chest where his comm badge should be. Gone. Again Voyager shook and the pain took over. Darkness fell over him.


	5. Chapter 5

Repair crews were getting to work, however conduits were still shorting, and debris still falling from the Borg attack. She stood in the midst of the debris, staring at the leg. Her heart beat so hard and fast, she thought it may jump out of her chest. She couldn't force herself to move forward. She could not face what was currently being hidden behind the fallen bulk head.

She took a deep breath and stepped though the gap.

The officer led against the wall was dead. Part of her sighed with relief as this wasn't who she was looking for. Part of her wanted to cry. She may be able to find him alive, but the gravity of the situation was hitting her. Her crew, her family were hurt. Looking at the officer on the floor, she felt like a failure. She was meant to be getting her crew home, not getting them killed. She knew she couldn't prevent an attack, certainly not from the Borg, but she had to do something to keep her people alive, keep them safe. Thinking about the man in front of her, she thought of home. She questioned whether she actually wanted Voyager to reach Earth. If Voyager made it home, they would all be separated; they would not be a family anymore. Family, reminded her that she was here for a reason. The reason she wasn't on the bridge coordinating the repairs and rescues. Tapping her comm badge she reported the dead officers location.

Metres down the corridor rubble began to move. She began crawling through the debris towards the moving rubble and started to shout for the man she loved.

Every part of him hurt. God knows what was going on, but he had to make it to the bridge. His head hurt, and his leg was trapped. There was no way, with the throbbing pain in his wrist, he would be able to lift the part of the bulkhead trapping him. Regaining his energy, he laid back and thought of her. He thought about what would happen between them now, he could not bear the thought of being without her.

Lost in his thoughts he hadn't heard the movement down the corridor. It was the direction the scream had come from. He didn't know who it was that had screamed, but they needed help, or they could help him. He started to move his free leg, kicking rubble and debris off himself. The thought of the woman he loved waiting on the bridge for him kept him going through the pain.

That is when he saw her. It felt like a dream. One second he thinking about how much he wanted to see her again, to see her smile and the next he was staring straight at her. She had made the noise down the corridor. She had come for him.

Her hand touched his cheek, brushing the dirt away. He felt a tear run down his cheek which her thumb rubbed away. He couldn't help but smile.

Hours later he sat on the biobed in sickbay, alone in his thoughts. Thinking about how close he had been to death, a few metres further down the corridor he would have been killed. He made a decision. He needed to escape from sickbay though, and make it to her quarters.


End file.
